Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
