I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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