What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
