I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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