Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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