Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
