My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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