The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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