oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.