He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
