I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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