just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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