2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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