if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I need help removing her.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
