Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
