I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
