Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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