Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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