i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
