It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
