i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
