she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
