ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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