in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
