Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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