I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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