Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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