I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
