i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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