Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
