bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
