His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
