Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
