the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
