you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You may now shotgun with the bride
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
