Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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