She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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