My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
