And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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