How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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