We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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