Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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