Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.