I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!