vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever