Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
