Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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