her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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