but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
