My friends, they love my intelligence
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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