Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
