You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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