oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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