Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
