i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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