dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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