I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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