My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
