my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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